Once upon a time there was a princess, alone in her castle.
– What am I doing here, thought the princess to herself.
And she was a bit worried, because she didn’t know what would happen to her. Therefore, she didn’t dare to go out, and she stayed alone in her castle. Because she thought that, of course, if she went out, there would be some kind of dragon to fight against, because it happens quite often, especially when the story begins with once upon a time.
And, of course, there would be her father, the king, who would want to marry her to the son of another king, some kind of vulgar and stupid teenager-looking guy always fighting against other knights and hunting innocent animals in the forest, because it happens quite often, especially when the story begins with once upon a time.
And the princess didn’t want that.
But then, she thought, if I don’t go out, is there any chance for me to ever meet the charming prince? Because, of course, if you never show your cute little face in balls and parties, how do you get the charming prince to even know that you exist? And don’t expect the charming prince to wait for you, for ever, alone in his castle. No, like all charming princes, he spends his time dancing with gorgeous girls in balls and parties, so he might fall in love with any of them, even a plain house maid who would have come to the ball in a pumpkin, yes it’s hard to believe but nevertheless it happens quite often, especially when the story begins with once upon a time.
That’s why the princess worried a lot.
Years passed, and passed, and the princess was so worried that her hair started to turn grey, she had more and more wrinkles, and since she was compensating depression by eating a lot of cakes with a lot of cream, she became fat. I’m afraid we could even say obese.
But one day, as she looked at herself in the mirror, saw all that grey hair, those wrinkles, this fat ugly face, she decided it was time to do something. So she went out of her castle, for the first time in decades.
As she walked in the country, enjoying the sun and the fresh air, she passed by a toad. Of course, she kissed him. Because that’s what you do when you are a princess in a story which begins with once upon a time.
But the toad didn’t turn into a charming prince.
– Well, the princess said, don’t be sad. I’ll marry you anyway.