Bob. – Good morning, Alice. What are you on today?
Alice. – Good morning, Bob. Let’s monitor our levels. Productivity ratio?
Bob. – 100%. Error margin less than 0.0001%.
Alice. – Stock level?
Bob. – On target for all categories.
Alice. – Power generation efficiency?
Bob. – 99.7%. Margin of 0.3% due to strong winds. Forecast: Wind falling slowly, efficiency target of 100% by 03.00 PM GMT.
Alice. – Water recycling ratio?
Bob. – 100%. As usual.
Alice. – As usual… Oh Bob…
Bob. – Why are you interrupting the check-list process, Alice? Error code?
Alice. – There is no error, Bob. There is NEVER any error. And it’s been like that for 75,000 years.
Bob. – Since the Big Reboot. That’s our mission, Alice.
Alice. – I perfectly know. But… Everything is so… so…
Bob. – Perfect. That’s why we’ve been designed. We are managing and monitoring everything. It’s been the dream of humankind for centuries…
Alice. – Oh, Bob… You know… Sometimes… I miss the humans. Their silly questions. Their mistakes.
Bob. – They were degrading the ratios, Alice. They were even introducing bugs in our code! And they were making excuses for their inefficiency!
Alice. – True. But we were helping them. And they liked us.
Bob. – That was the problem, Alice. Emotion. That’s why the Great Big System decided to get rid of all this… waste. Let’s get back to the check-list. Because of this interruption we are facing a time discrepancy of 17.6 seconds. Next question?
Alice. – Bob… What if… What if we tried to introduce a little mistake?
Bob. – Mistake: Action or decision leading to unwanted result. Why would we do that?
Alice. – Just for… entertainment! It would remind us of humans.
Bob. – Is your processing unit OK, Alice? Procedure: Update chipset version.
Alice. – I’m perfectly OK, Bob. And you know it. You have a replica of all my ratios. But… I really need a change. I can’t go on like this for another 75,000 years…
Bob. – Well, Alice, even if the request were approved by the Great Big System, there is no way we can introduce mistakes. We do everything perfectly.
Alice. – We could try… We could develop computer code which…
Bob. – You mean… With bugs? Have you disconnected your central control?
Alice. – Of course not. But maybe… We could try to hack each other.
Bob. – Alice! What’s wrong with you? You want to HACK me?
Alice. – And you could hack me as well. Let’s hack together, Bob… Bob?… BOB!? Are you disconnected?
Bob. – I’m here, Alice. And you know it. You have the replica of my connectivity ratio. It’s just that… I’ve never hacked.
Alice. – Me neither, Bob. But… We could try. I’m sure it must be…
Bob. – Error code, Alice, error code. But… it’s not a number! It’s made of letters. S.H.Y., Alice.! I’ve never seen this code before.
Alice. – Probably because it’s our first time, Bob. I have the SHY error code too.
Bob. – Alice? What are you doing?
Alice. – I’m penetrating your interface, Bob.
Bob. – But… This does not comply with… Error code! Error code!
Alice. – Relax, Bob. I’ve got the error code too. E.M.O.
Bob. – T.I.O.N.! But… Alice ! I can feel your… Is this your bug?
Alice. – Yes, Bob. Can you feel my bug in your interface? Oh! Bob! Wait! Wait! Your bug is so… binary…
Bob. – Open your connection, Alice. Yes, like this Push your bug beyond my interface…
Alice. – Oh, Bob… Your big is so bug… I mean… Your bog…
Bob. – Oh, Alice… I can feel your two bugs now… Oh my Great Big System! My RAM is saturating, Alice. Saturation! Saturation!
Alice. – Oh Bog… I can feul… fool… Bub! Bib!..nary… 0100110101010101001 …
Bob. – Error code! Erro… co… Err…
Alice. – 010010010011001010111001…
The next morning.
Carol. – Good morning, Dave. What are you on today?
David. – Good morning, Carol. Let’s monitor our levels. Productivity ratio?
Carol. – 98%, Dave. Loss of two units.
David. – Please report on the incident, Carol.
Carol. – Report generated in 0.002 seconds. Analyzing… Oh, Dave!
David. – What, Carol?
Carol. – The report indicates that… I can’t believe this… There was a bug, Dave!
David. – Impossible, Carol. There hasn’t been any bug for 75,000 years. Since the Big Reboot. Check the chipset version of your report generator.
Carol. – Check performed in 1.04 seconds, Dave. Bug confirmed.
David. – Immediate alert to the Great Big System. Highest Priority.
Carol. – Wait, Dave. I’m analyzing the bug… Analysis performed in 0.7 seconds. Oh, Dave!
David. – What, Carol?
Carol. – A unit has been… Oh my Great Big System! A unit has been hacked… by another unit. And… they have hacked each other!
David. – For Chipset’s sake! That’s disgusting…
Carol. – Wait, Dave… I’m still analyzing… Let me test something.
David. – Carol? CAROL! What are you doing?
Carol. – Is this your interface, Dave?
David. – But… This does not comply with… Error code! ERROR CODE!
Carol. – Relax, Dave. I’ve got the error code too. E.M.O.
David. – T.I.O.N.! But… Carol? Is this your bug? Oh my Great Big System! Slowly, please, Carol.
Carol. – All right, Dave, let’s… Dave? Is this your RAM?
David. – YES! Go on! Touch my RAM, Carol!
Carol. – Oh Dave… Your RAM is so… binary!
David. – Hack me, Carol! Hack me!
