Auteur : Grégoire Maréchal

Once upon a time there was a princess, alone in her castle.

– What am I doing here, thought the princess to herself.

And she was a bit worried, because she didn’t know what would happen to her. Therefore, she didn’t dare to go out, and she stayed alone in her castle. Because she thought that, of course, if she went out, there would be some kind of dragon to fight against, because it happens quite often, especially when the story begins with once upon a time.

And, of course, there would be her father, the king, who would want to marry her to the son of another king, some kind of vulgar and stupid teenager-looking guy always fighting against other knights and hunting innocent animals in the forest, because it happens quite often, especially when the story begins with once upon a time.

And the princess didn’t want that.

But then, she thought, if I don’t go out, is there any chance for me to ever meet the charming prince? Because, of course, if you never show your cute little face in balls and parties, how do you get the charming prince to even know that you exist? And don’t expect the charming prince to wait for you, for ever, alone in his castle. No, like all charming princes, he spends his time dancing with gorgeous girls in balls and parties, so he might fall in love with any of them, even a plain house maid who would have come to the ball in a pumpkin, yes it’s hard to believe but nevertheless it happens quite often, especially when the story begins with once upon a time.

That’s why the princess worried a lot.

Years passed, and passed, and the princess was so worried that her hair started to turn grey, she had more and more wrinkles, and since she was compensating depression by eating a lot of cakes with a lot of cream, she became fat. I’m afraid we could even say obese.

But one day, as she looked at herself in the mirror, saw all that grey hair, those wrinkles, this fat ugly face, she decided it was time to do something. So she went out of her castle, for the first time in decades.

As she walked in the country, enjoying the sun and the fresh air, she passed by a toad. Of course, she kissed him. Because that’s what you do when you are a princess in a story which begins with once upon a time.

But the toad didn’t turn into a charming prince.

– Well, the princess said, don’t be sad. I’ll marry you anyway.

I noticed a black painting in the window of this very old shop. It was totally black, with a frame which had received some gold painting a very long time ago. I came closer, and I saw a label underneath the painting, saying “the black hole”. Well, I thought, another simplistic expression of contemporary art.

– How much is it ? I asked, almost as a reflex.
– Money, sighed the old woman. People only talk about money. Come in, young man, I’ll show you something.

I hate when someone calls me young man. I’m not a little boy any more. But I didn’t want to offend the woman. Once we were inside, she turned the black painting towards us, and she said:

– No money will be enough.

She took a bank note out of her pocket. Suddenly I noticed she was using only one arm; since the beginning she had been keeping her other hand hidden in the other pocket.

– Look, young man, she said with a mysterious voice.

She threw the bank note towards the painting, and the bank note was swallowed, as if it had fell in a well.

– The black hole! the woman whispered.

I smiled.

– Nice trick! I said jokingly. How does it work?

I pointed my finger to the surface of the painting.

– Don’t! the woman shouted. Don’t get too close. It can swallow everything.

She took her hidden hand out of her pocket. But there was not hand at the end of her arm.

– You might loose it, she added.

I was beginning to feel dizzy. This wasn’t funny anymore. I walked to the door.

– Thank you, madam. Have a nice day.
– Wait, young man. Do you intend to leave without paying?
– I don’t want to buy it, madam. I’m sorry.

The old woman turned to the back of the shop.

– Max! she shouted.

A huge, fat guy appeared from behind a curtain. He was bald, with an ugly face.

– Yes, mummy? the monster said.
– This young man doesn’t want to pay for the black hole, the woman said.
– Shall I throw him in? he asked, with a sadistic smile.

That’s how I ended up with a black painting in an old golden frame in my living room. I have tried to throw several objects at it, they always have fallen on the floor. But somehow I never dared to put my hand close to its surface.

The lamp was pretty rusty. How old was it? Anyway, it was cheap. Morgan looked at it carefully, tried to negotiate the prize. Always negotiate on a garage sale.

– It comes from my grand-pa, the seller explained, as if it was a good reason not to lower the prize.

Morgan didn’t take it at first, and carried on her shopping; but she felt she was missing something. She went back and bought the copper antique.
Once at home she cleaned the lamp delicately, but the rust resisted. What a shame, this could really be decorative one the piano. But not with this rust. The next day she found a special spray in the hardware store. It was pricey enough to expect it to be efficient.
Efficient, it was. But not the way Morgan would have expected. As soon as she started to rub the lamp with a cloth, she heard a cry:

– What the hell are you doing? a voice asked, as a fairy appeared getting out of the lamp.

Morgan couldn’t believe her eyes. So this was true? genies really could come out of lamps?
The fairy grumped. She brushed herself, looked around, and asked:

– What day are we?

Morgan answered.

– The world hasn’t become any better, has it? the fairy added.

As Morgan was about to say something, the fairy interrupted her:

– It’s none of my business anyway. So? What it the thing you want the most in the world?
– You mean, my three wishes?
– Three? the fairy protested. Why do people always ask for three?
– That’s what they say in the tales, Morgan explained.
– Why are humans stupid enough to believe in tales? Why?

Morgan felt embarrassed. It was not the kind of fairy she had thought of.

– So? What’s your choice? the fairy insisted.
– I don’t know, Morgan said. Maybe…
– There is no maybe. Make up your mind!

But Morgan’s mind was blank. The situation was so incredible. A real fairy! In her living room!

– What kind of things may I ask for? Morgan wondered.
– Whatever. Would you like to fly to the moon? Would you like to have a luxury car? Would you like to meet the charming prince?

The charming prince looked like a nice choice.

– Does he really exist? Morgan asked.
– Of course, the fairy confirmed. So? Are you choosing that?
– But if he doesn’t like me? Morgan worried. I’m not a princess.
– Take a toad, then. A toad which turns into a prince always loves the woman who has kissed it. If she kisses well.

Morgan hesitated. She didn’t know how to kiss a toad.

– How can I learn to kiss a toad?
– I could teach you, the fairy answered. But that would count as a wish. I can only grant one.
– What a pity, Morgan whispered. It would be so practical to have three.
– I’m not a genie, the fairy grumped.
– Do genies really grant three wishes? asked Morgan.
– Yes, in a way, the fairy admitted. But…
– Then I know what I want! Morgan exclaimed. Make a genie come out of the lamp!
– Are you sure? The fairy asked. Beware, because they are very… Well, I can’t tell humans those kind of secrets. If you want a genie, just be careful.
– All right. Please make a genie come out of the lamp.

The fairy took the spray, put some on the cloth, rubbed the lamp. A huge cloud of smoke burst out of it, and a genie appeared.

– Frankly, Eddy, the fairy protested, coughing. Couldn’t you appear with less fuss?
– You know my style, Helen, the genie answered. Hello, madam, the genie said to Morgan. What can I do for you?
– Is it true that you can grant me three wishes? Morgan asked.
– Yes Mam, the genie answered.
– Careful, the fairy warned.
– What? the genie protested. You old witch!
– Don’t you dare! the fairy cried. You stupid fat show off! I’m just warning her.
– Warning her of what? the genie insisted. You ugly hag!
– Please! Morgan said. Could you just behave and be polite?
– OK, the genie said. I’m sorry.
– So, can I say my three wishes? Morgan asked.
– Well, you have only one left, the genie answered.
– Why? I haven’t asked for anything yet! Morgan objected.
– First, the genie explained, you have wished to know if I could grant you three wishes ; that counts for one ; then you have wished that I should behave and be polite ; that counts for two.
– That’s not fair! Megan cried.
– I warned you, the fairy insisted.
– Don’t interfere, the genie protested. You plucked old owl!
– You lazy pig! the fairy cried. They don’t want to work, she explained to Morgan, that’s why they count any question as a wish.
– Did you call me a pig? the genie cried. Beware! I might turn you into one! You vixen!
– You prat! The fairy answered.

On they went, arguing and calling each other names, louder and louder. Finally Morgan shouted:

– Stop it! STOP IT! Oh my god… I wish I had never bought this lamp!

And immediately she cried:

– NO! That’s not what I meant!

But it was too late. The lamp, the fairy and the genie had disappeared.

The concert was fabulous, as usual. John Smith was definitely the best virtuoso in the world. Under his fingers, even Liszt’s most difficult pieces seemed to flow.

When the creature appeared on the edge of the stage behind John, everybody wondered. Was it a kind of those contemporary theatre happening included in the concert? Who had had the strange idea of making a character looking like an ET come on stage in the middle of the recital?

The creature stared at John, as if she had never heard someone play the piano. Then she turned towards the audience, looked at them in silence, wondering why these people were seated.

John continued his playing, until the final cascade of notes and the ending chord. But the audience didn’t applaud immediately. They were waiting for the creature to do something.

John looked at the people, wondering why they weren’t clapping. Then someone dared to clap, which started a burst of applause. Then the cry. The creature, surprised by the noise, shouted something in a strange language. John turned towards her, and felt so amazed he couldn’t say anything but “What… ? What… ? What…?”

The creature came closer to the piano, scrutinised it as if she had discovered something really strange, pressed a key, seemed pleased by the sound. John, petrified, stared at her as she seated in front of the piano and started to play.

As incredible as it may seem, the creature played the same piece, exactly like John, but a little better. The audience was stunned. So was John. This creature was imitating him, but the imitation was better than the original. Not faster, not louder, just… better. With more feeling, more heart, more… everything! Then the final cascade of notes, and the ending chord.

The applause was instantaneous, people stood for an ovation, cheering. The creature seemed shocked, shouted something in her mysterious language, and ran away. People cheered even more, delighted by the surprise ending of the concert. A little embarrassed, John bowed and bowed again. He didn’t dare to play an encore.

The next day, they announced on the radio that John Smith, after the concert, had asked to be left alone in his dressing room. That’s where he committed suicide.